“Are you excited?” I have been asked this question quite often lately. Why? Because, I am and have been going through some major changes in my life. Most that know me know that I have been a small business owner for a long time. I am in a profession that I enjoy with every cell in my being. I enjoy facing each day with different tasks that will be done. I enjoy facing different clients and having different conversations every day. I enjoy people entrusting me with not only their hair or beauty services, but also entrusting me with some of their most precious life moments and secrets. I will and am forever grateful for all of the relationships and friendships that have been built over the years. Only a handful of clients were aware of any changes that I was and am making in my life. Like their secrets, I keep my own. I hold them tight until I feel they are safe to share. I keep quiet until I see the road paved, and the path more solid. I don’t share my every wish, dream, or thought. Because, if I do, I fear they may disappear. With all the letdowns I have been through in my life, I hold off on sharing until I am sure. If something fails, I only have my own eyes looking back at me and not numerous eyes. I don’t ever like to put myself in the position of being a spectacle.

With that said, I will share some recent happenings. I have not only been working full-time in my current career, but I have been a full-time student, as well. I have thought about finishing my education for many years. It took a pandemic to actually push me to follow through on those thoughts. It took a pandemic to shake me to my core to push my fears aside and take a leap of faith. While doing so, I have had the support of friends, family, and a life partner. They have all encouraged me. They have all supported my decisions and helped me think through my steps. My best friends have been my cheerleaders; and, not in the corny way that I hate. They have been the push that I need in the exact ways that I need. My life partner, my sweetheart, my love has spoken words of encouragement to me that I didn’t even know that I needed to hear. He simply stated how he views me, and hoped that I saw the same in myself. I set goals for myself. I set steps on how to achieve those goals. I consider obstacles. I consider solutions. Once that is done, I put the wheels in motion. No excitement. Just concentration. Determination. Absolute grit.

Mastery of one career. Check! 4.0 GPA in school thus far, check! Now what? The next step in my goal. I am turning my once full-time career into a part-time job. I am returning into the full-time workforce outside of my norm. I have been offered and accepted a full-time position within my State. I will for once in a very, very long time receive a consistent paycheck. I will for once have employment that offers retirement. I will be able to have, those once considered mythical (joking) to me, vacation days, sick days, and paid holidays. Is it too much to take on at once? For some, that answer would be yes! For me, I don’t look at it with the same eyes. It is an adventure. It is a challenge. It is another puzzle piece that I have found the spot for. When you list everything that I have going on and am doing, it may appear as a lot. But, I like to look at it differently.

Imagine you have a box. In that box, you have a 1000-piece puzzle. If you hold it and shake it, it seems like a lot. If you open that box and dump the pieces out, it looks like a lot. It looks like a confusing mess. You have a pile of pieces and wonder where to start. Just like a puzzle, I look at the tasks of my life. The pieces are dumped on my table. But, I choose to look at the picture on the box. The end goal. I slowly and methodically gather the pieces and organize them. All of the edges in one pile. All the similar colors in each their own piles. It has some sort of order then. Carefully, all the while keeping the big picture in sight, I connect piece to piece. I take the time to find the next piece that fits. That is how I tackle my life’s obstacles and challenges. My goal is that picture on my puzzle box. It will take time to piece it all together, but in the end, the picture comes together.

Am I excited? Part of me is. But keep in mind, it is a huge change for me. Even though I am not ending my career, but merely changing it, there is still grief. There is still loss. I have to have time to mentally accept and process this loss. To feel it, to allow it to resonate. What was once something that consumed my life and thoughts are now becoming a partial part of my life. I have to have time to adjust to the newness that my life is becoming. I have to allow myself the space in my mind to appreciate the opportunities that await me, however scary they may be. I have to figure out my new routine, my new normal. I have to organize some more puzzle pieces.

With this new adventure, I do as I always have done. I am taking it step-by-step, day-by-day. What happens, happens. It is what it is. And whatever that may be, I am fine with it. I am preparing. Caterpillars take the necessary steps to change. No one tells them it is time. Inside them, they know what must be done, and when it is time. And when that time comes, they do what it takes. When they emerge, they are transformed. My time has come. No one has told me what to do or when to do it. Inside, I knew what message was being told to me. I knew what to do. Am I excited? I have a better word to describe how I am feeling. Ready, I. Am. READY.