I overthink things that I should blow off, and don’t care about some things that I should. I don’t know why that I do this. I always have. I get stuck in my head if I have hurt someone’s feelings or feel like what I will say to them will hurt them. I am a blunt, honest person. That is unfortunately a big downfall of mine. I try to word things in a clear, precise way. Most times it comes out harsher than I heard it in my head. By then, the words are said and I cannot take them back or change them. But, my point was made. Ugh!

My last few days have been filled with relaxation, fun, adventures, surprises, conversations, texts, and shocking revelations. I was thrown for a loop and my mind went into overdrive. “You made yourself very clear,” apparently I did not. If I had, I would not have been told what I was told. Why is the subject even brought up? Because, they were being honest with me. I respect that. I understand that. I expect nothing less. Damn.

Now, I am lost in thought. How can I be even more clear? What can I say that won’t be hurtful? Do I just go ghost quiet? No, I can’t. That’s not me.  Wanting to make a “zip code change”? Really?! Slow your roll and stay in your lane, or shall I say State, my friend. Choose your words wisely, I tell myself.

As I worked and then sat in my thoughts, it dawned on me. I will be going with family out of town for a day trip for great food, soon. The date we will be going is significant. And after confirming with family, they said that they took that into consideration. It’s a distraction. Thank you! A distraction from what has happened over the last year, a distraction to what’s been going on lately, it’s welcomed. The date is one that I would have taken a huge step in my life. A step that I said that I’d never do again, but had my mind changed. Luckily, I am not taking that step. It was one of the best decisions that I have ever made NOT to do.

So, it’s time to make some more decisions and they are not ones that I feel good about. Not that it won’t be for the best, but because feelings will get hurt. I won’t have to physically see the result of my decision, but I will know what it will have done. That, in and of itself, will haunt my mind for a long time. Consequences… I must accept them openly, honestly, and deservingly.

So, if I was willing to say I do, I now must be able to say I do not.

#itsatamithing

*I’m fine. Wanting to clear that up, because I’ve had private messages.

*No, I am NOT getting married.

*No, I am NOT moving. Haha.

*dress pictured was my actual dress