“That was 7 years ago, what does that have to do with now?” I have asked this same question numerous times. Sometimes the number of years changes. Sometimes who I am directing the question to changes. The point is always that is it about now, not back then. We have all had moments of thinking about a time in our pasts, but we don’t have to live in those moments anymore.

Letting go of things that hurt or angered us can be extremely difficult. But, holding on only poisons our mind and soul. It keeps us from seeing the beauty that might be right in front of us. Holding on causes us to lose sleep, while the other person is somewhere out there in deep slumber. It causes us to stare up at the night sky and see mental images of the hurtful times, and quite possibly not see the shooting star that appeared in the distance.

Not a single one of us can control the actions of another. We can only control how we react. And, how we react is always a reflection on us, never them. A recent example of this is when a work acquaintance chose to be petty and whisper lies about me in hopes to stir up gossip and drama. One of the mistakes she made was doing this to someone that, without hesitation, defended me and called her out. It was brought to my attention and I processed how I would handle it. Do I say something? Do I defend myself? Do I ignore her? I did say something. Anyone that knows me knows that I despise liars and I refuse to lie. I didn’t raise my voice. I didn’t get angry. I spoke to her calmly, and very matter of fact. I reiterated the actual events, what was truly said, and pointed out that as adults we don’t do what she had done. As adults, you come to me if I am the one you have issue with. When she tried to justify why she did what she did, I shut her down. There’s no excuse for pettiness. I was in no way unprofessional, attacking, or impolite. I got my point across and dismissed her when the conversation was over. Today, I recall what happened and I am not angry or upset. I’m not even befuddled by it. I have to really think hard about what happened to even type it out. It was an event so uneventful in my mind that it fits into the same category as picking up breakfast the other day. It’s nothing that takes up head space. It is no longer in the NOW.

Whether something happened yesterday, last week, last year, or 7 years ago, it is not now. If a relationship failed, it failed then and not now. What most people see as “the reason” a relationship failed, more often than not, they aren’t looking at what lead up to “the reason”. Mind you, there will be those that choose to keep the past in the present. They are determined to keep it in the forefront of their mind. They are driven by the urge for vindication. They get a sense of pride in causing strife for the other person. That is their problem and that speaks volumes to their character. Live your life. Live your truth. As time passes, lies reveal themselves. The veil of deception comes off. The beauty of their lies and deceit fade to expose the ugliness underneath. Their ugly doesn’t have to be your ugly.

I have been damaged from my past. More importantly, I’ve learned from my past. I own it. I choose every day that my future will outshine anything in my past. Damages done can either be repaired, or can be a shaping tool for me. Do I get angry? Of course, I do! Do I drink the poison and let it damage me, or do I acknowledge that it is poison and discard it? I process information. I take it in, I evaluate, I sort through the array of emotions, and I find my moment of Zen.

Take a moment, take a few moments. What has made you angry? What has hurt you? Can you learn from it? Can those moments help you grow? Find your Zen, plant your lesson, and let it flourish. Be in the now. We can’t change the past, and we cannot predict the future. We can only enjoy the now. For the now is only a split second. My earlier story above that you read has become the past. The words being read at this moment is now. See how quickly it leaves us. Find where you want your mind to live. Will it live in the past, or will it be in the now?