I can guarantee that I’m not alone is saying that 2020 was a year of unexpected events. Pandemic aside, it was my year of changes. What started out as heartbreak, devastation, and feelings of hopelessness turned to clearer vision, evolution, growth, and love. Some of that, I faced with great resistance. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to open up. I didn’t think I was deserving of anything positive happening to or for me. I fought and fought until I didn’t have any fight left in me. The outcome was powerful. I learned that if I let go of the fight that things would turn out as they were meant. I had no control. And, it was okay to not always be in control.

I had friendships blossom, and others that shriveled. I found my balance of patience to behaviors that I found unacceptable tested. I learned who and what was sucking my energy from me, and was angry with myself for allowing it to happen. I made the decision to use 2020 as my driving force for betterment. I wanted to rid myself of anything and anyone that did not add to the happiness that I was finding in myself.

I cleared my home of small reminders of a painful history. I let go of the resentment and anger. I accepted that what I had gone through, though sad and horrifying, put me in a more peaceful place. I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t angry. I actually felt gratitude. Had the rollercoaster not fallen off its tracks, I’d still be riding that awful ride. I was thankful to have stepped off. The light that came out of my darkness is beautiful.

I faced more health issues. Though nervous and scared, I put my faith above my fear: my faith in the doctors and medical staff, my faith in my support system of friends, my faith in myself, and my faith in my God. Let me say, that faith showed up and shone bright! The belief in my faiths continued over into 2021 when I made huge decisions for my business. When I felt like I was drowning and no signs of coming up for air, solutions revealed themselves. And, again, it was the best decision I could have made.

What I didn’t see coming my way in 2020 was love. Not a rebound. Not a fling. Love. A love that took me off guard and threw me off kilter. Nothing I was used to. Nothing I was ready for. Nothing I was looking for. But there it came. It didn’t hit me like a brick wall. It slowly crept closer and closer. And, as I backed away it slowed to match my pace. When I tried to run from it, it gently held me and calmed my restlessness. Then, I finally faced to truth, admitted to it, and welcomed it. I will say that I can still be like an abused puppy, trying to slink away at any moment. But, the love that found me, cared for me, and holds me continues to reassure me that I am and will be okay.

I have recently noticed that my mind doesn’t wander back to the past much anymore. My mind doesn’t really worry all the time about the future now either. My mind has stayed in the present. Each moment that happens is no longer for all eyes to see. Those are my moments. And, I am protective of those moments. If I share any of my moments I only share with a close few. I absolutely know that nothing is permanent. Things can change within a matter of seconds. So, I enjoy my present, let go of my past, and look forward to my future, whatever it may be. I refuse to miss moments.

“You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
And when two lovers woo
They still say “I love you”
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by…” – Sam Dooley Wilson

#itsatamithing

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