Does distance make the heart grow fonder? Some might answer, yes. At times, I would answer the same way. But sometimes distance, space, and silence gives a person a chance to re-evaluate people and things in their lives. Have I made myself a priority in my own life? Most of my life, I have not. I serve others. I don’t do this because I’m forced to or feel obligated. I do this because it makes me feel good deep in my soul. But by doing so, I never found the balance to serve myself, as well.

In January, I put myself first. I continued to in a very selfish, greedy way. I didn’t and still won’t apologize for my behavior. I needed something. I needed lessons. I needed attention. I needed to put me first. My giving side was never pushed aside. I began to learn to give and take. Still, there was something inside of me that ached and fought to get out. It was the part of me that I was trying to suppress. I didn’t know how to “take”, and it all seemed forced and unsettling. So, I stopped fighting. I let myself be myself. I’m a giver, a caretaker, a nurturer, and unselfish. I felt like I was betraying myself to try to be anything else.

During my selfish phase, I did learn to set personal boundaries. I learned that if I wanted others to make me a priority in their lives, I had to do the same for myself. I hate being an afterthought in someone’s mind, a second choice, a fallback. Friend or lover, if they want to see me it has to be made known. I will not second guess, anymore. The simple words “I want to be with you”, “I want to see you”, “I want to spend time with you”, “I want to talk to you” don’t hurt to say. I have said those exact words to people & have heard them said to me. Those people are who I give my energy. A socially distanced lunch date with girlfriends, a dinner, a phone call, whatever… It’s all welcomed from those that value me and that I feel the same towards. Fairweather people hold no value to me. My world, my time, my energy, my life, and myself are worth more than that.

I count myself lucky that I have surrounded myself with those of value & depth. And, I consider myself fortunate to now have the strength, knowledge, and will to dismiss those that aren’t. So, does distance, space, and silence make the heart grown fonder? For me it has, but only for those that add to my life & not take away. Why? Because, I now know that I am worth it.

#itsatamithing