I respect someone who is completely honest and believes in full disclosure. If they lay all their cards out on the table and say “this is me, this is what I’ve done”, they get props from me. It is at that moment that they allow me to make an informed decision on whether anything they presented is a deal breaker for me. We all have pasts. We all have done or said things that we regret. No one is perfect. If they claim to be perfect, they are lying. They are lying to themselves. And, more importantly, they are lying to you.

I was informed of the past of one particular person. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And, believe me, there is a lot. But, I was also shown where they have been villainized. It wasn’t presented to me through word of mouth. I was shown text messages, screenshots, and video proof. They didn’t want me to just take their word for it. They wanted to show me that they were being honest with me, and had something to back them up. In addition, I found out that I know all parties involved. I know how the other person can be. And for the last 8 months, I’ve watched all of the mistreatment firsthand.

It’s difficult to be the bystander and watch it all unfold. I want to jump to their defense. I want to put that cruel person in their place. But, that’s not my responsibility. It’s not my battle to fight. I have to allow things to come to light on their own. They have former family members that know nothing but negative things about them. They don’t know the truth. They only know the sad, dishonest stories told by the person that puts on a victim costume and doesn’t take any personal responsibility. They only hear made-up tales of successful co-parenting. They hear the details of events that never happened. They are told of actions that a person has supposedly done that there is video evidence to the contrary. It’s sad. It’s disgusting.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. Have they done and said some bad things? Oh, yes, they have. Do they take responsibility for their actions? Yes. If they could rewind time, they would have not done what they did. Would they be where they are today had they made better choices? One will never know. But, I think they would be. The end was coming, one way or another. We cannot go back and change things. We can only learn from our mistakes and vow to never repeat them.

On a daily basis, this person in my life is treated and portrayed as a horrible person. The treatment is demeaning, belittling, and unwarranted. They are loving. They are worthy. They have value. They have good morals. They are hardworking. They are kind. They are an amazing parent. And, they are a good person. Period. Once upon a time, the other person thought so, too.

All I can repeat over and over is “be the better person”. It does absolutely no good to stoop to the low level of the other person. It has to be understood that the person must be miserable inside and very unhappy. No matter how they appear on the outside or what facade they show, deep down they are sad and take pride in mistreating other people. You cannot change who they are, but you can change how you react. Only you can allow another person to make you feel badly. Why give them the satisfaction of ruining your day, your esteem, or your self worth?

Stand tall. Be the person that you say you are. Stand with integrity. Keep to your word. Don’t waiver in your actions. Let the words “when they go low, we go high” speak to you. Let those words guide you. Hold tight to the faith that you have. While you are standing there, know that you are not alone. I’m right beside you, holding your hand. And when you feel like you are losing balance, I’ll hold on a bit tighter. You got this! The truth will come to light. It always does. Until then, I’ll stand by you while you burn. I’ll be the steady hand to keep you grounded. I’ll be there to help you step out of the flames. I came out on the other side, and you will, too.

#itsatamithing