“You must be climbing up the walls by now!”

Recently, I’ve had that said or texted to me. No, I’m doing okay. I do miss the social aspect of my job. But, I miss the actual work and my clients the most. Listening to their stories while I work on their hair is so therapeutic for me. Up until the shutdowns, they were actually hearing MY stories. And, let me just say, they were doozies! I have spent over two decades listening to my clients, and only a handful have heard anything more personal about me than stories of my son. So, me opening up to more of them made our bonds that much tighter. They knew that they not only trusted me, but that I trusted them.

My therapist stated, “You really like living alone and being to yourself.” I couldn’t help but smile really big and immediately say, “YES!” In the service industry, I have to be ‘on’ any time I’m with a client. I cannot show that I’m in a bad mood. I cannot let them know that my headache disorder is bothering me. I cannot say that I don’t care for idle chit-chat to fill a moment of silence. I have to be ‘on’ and in tune to them and their moods. I turn ‘off’ the moment they walk out the door. I use that time to recharge and prepare for the next time I need to be ‘on’. So, being home alone, I get to be ‘off’ for all the time that I need. And, to be honest, I enjoy my own company.

I have never had a problem going and doing things alone. I used to go out to eat alone. I would go to see a movie alone. I would go on walks alone. So, now is not much different except I cannot go to those places of business because they are temporarily closed. I stay home and turn up my music. I dance around and cook or clean. I meditate. I pray for friends and family. I always have something to do. No one is talking to me, and I’m perfectly fine. I make phone calls or text to check in on my friends and family, but I enjoy my time alone. I don’t want to talk to anyone, just to talk. I need depth in a conversation or humor.

The pandemic has given me a huge reset. I lost sight of the little things. It has allowed me the opportunity to get back to my roots. I now hand write letters to friends again, and receive letters in return. It has humbled me to the non-materialistic things in life that I once took for granted. My friendships suffered due to my workaholic mentality, and my need for solitude. I’m reconnecting with my friends and truly getting to know them on a deeper level. We don’t get to see each other, but we are connecting more and through different means. And, I’m still able to have my alone time.

I look forward to when I feel it is safe to go back to work, to be around friends and family, to have a special someone over to visit, to walk into a store, and to sit down in a restaurant to eat or grab a drink. I may be more willing to join friends out than I was before. I know that I won’t turn into a huge social butterfly, but I will definitely step out of my comfort zone. Even then, I feel peace, in the fact, that I can securely and confidently be alone and be just fine. I will always stand proudly when I hear, “Tami, party of one.”


#itsatamithing