“I’m not sure if I believe you.” I hear that a lot from people that don’t know me very well. From those that do, they know that what comes out of my mouth is always the truth. I was raised to always tell the truth, whether it is good or bad. So, I do. I can’t lie. If my life depended me on lying, may I rest in peace. “I like how open and honest you are.” Yeah… You like it until you don’t. I pride myself in my honesty, but it gets me into a mental torture. I always question whether I should have said what I said. I wonder about what I could have said differently. I ponder what would happen had I lied to make someone feel better. I have a difficult time candy coating things, though it’s something that I am working on.

My son is the same way. He is better at choosing his words than I am, though. If I ask, “Do you like (fill in the blank)?” He may answer with, “It’s okay, but I like (fill in the blank) better.” Okay. Cool. I, on the other hand, am more apt to respond with, “Oh, hell no.” or “I don’t like this at all.” I like his approach better. Like I said, I’m working on it.

I am a lot to take. I know this. I am complicated, an over thinker, too generous, too forgiving, overly patient about things that I shouldn’t be, less patient about things that I should be, unlucky (itsatamithing), I share too much, more sensitive than people think, too blunt, can’t read between the lines, when asked a direct question, I cannot NOT answer, and I’m a big procrastinator. But, I’m always honest.

I expect the same honesty from those that I surround myself. And, if I take the time to spend time with you or talk to you, it means that I see something in you that appeals to me. You bring substance to my life. I don’t have the time nor the patience for idle chit chat or shallowness. I need depth. I seek out thought provoking challenges and conversations. When I’m lied to, I’m done.

The truth can help and it can heal. It can also hurt, cut, and scar. I would much rather have a wound heal than be decorated with glitter and rainbows of untruths. Like the Blue Fairy said to Pinnochio, “A lie keeps growing and growing until it’s as plain as the nose on your face.” So, I will always speak my truth. I will eventually find a better approach. And, one day, “If I prove [myself] brave, truthful, and unselfish, someday [I] will be a real [girl]”.

#itsatamithing