“The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I’ve seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door” – The Beatles

I’ve traveled that road many times. For about a year and a half, I had that road memorized. Now, five years later, it looks like I’m turning onto that road again. But, can I force myself to turn the other direction this time? I know where that old road leads. It ends at a playground full of laughter, joy, love, then spontaneous anger, sadness, tears, selfishness, and darkness. Where does the new road lead?

The unknown can be terrifying, but so can the familiar. Can this new road lead to happiness and peace? The old road hasn’t. Do I fear the unknown so much that I sacrifice myself? Will I get lost on this new road and never find my way again? Is the old road under construction and will soon be rebuilt and everything I’ve needed and wanted?

Fear keeps me frozen in place staring at the old road and glancing at the new road. Fear of missing the laughter and love at the end of the old road keeps pulling me in that direction. Longing for change, happiness, and fulfillment tugs at me to go towards the new road. But, is that up there?

I sit between the fork of the two roads confused and anxious. It shouldn’t be this difficult of a decision, but it is. Both roads look the same at first glance. Though, deep down, I know they each lead to a different place. I’m sitting. I’m contemplating my decision and the reasons for them. I squeeze my knees closer to me as I rock back and forth in a desperate need to calm myself. I’m stuck. I’m stuck at this fork in the road and only I can move me.

#itsatamithing